“USBs”

Author’s Note: This is a Take Ten to Write story and has not been proofread for errors. If I feel inspired or if there’s interest in the story, I’ll post a revised, edited, and extended version at a later date. Happy reading!

Prompt: USB.

Hi. I’m a USB, which is short for Unquestionable Spectacular Bean. Yeah, it’s a bit of a mouthful, so we usually just shorten it to USB.

What? You say you’ve never heard of a USB before? Well, you’re not alone. I was shocked to learn that 99% of the human population has never heard of a USB before, and the ones who have are considered ‘insane’. I’m not quite sure what ‘insane’ means–I assume that it’s a compliment of the highest regard–but I am proud to announce that you are now among that 1%!

Now, what exactly are USBs… Hmm, now that’s a tricky question.

It’s not really a question of what are USBs, it’s more of a question of why are USBs? Are you following? No? Ah, well, I’m sure everything will make more sense in a second.

USBs are the most special of the family of Spectacular Beans. We’re Unquestionable! Basically, all that means is that everyone has to listen to us because they’re not allowed to question what we do or why we do it. Yeah, it’s pretty awesome.

Of course, there are some downsides. For example, the SQSBs–the Slightly Questionable Spectacular Beans–sometimes get jealous of our status and team up with the QSBs–the Questionable Spectacular Beans–to prank and embarrass us. Sure, it’s all in good fun, until someone falls into a pan of boiling oil with rice.

But that’s only the Spectacular Beans family. There are tons of other families of Beans, but the very worst of the worse are the Meh Beans. Yep, they’re even worse than the Horrific Beans, because the Meh Beans are just… meh. You know what I’m saying? They never have an opinion about anything! I mean, they’re not evil like the Terrible Beans or scary-looking like the Terrifying Beans, but they’re just so blegh. Yeah, I know you get what I’m trying to say.

So, there you have it. A very brief overview of who I am. Now, if you have any other questions, please direct them to my associate over there. He’s an FAQB–a Freakishly Active Questions Bean–so he should be able to answer any further questions you might have about us Beans.

Final Comments: Did this story make sense? No. Was it fun to write? Yep!

Overall Rating: 🤣