“The Last Clean Dish”

Author’s Note: This is a Take Ten to Write story and has not been proofread for errors. If I feel inspired or if there’s interest in the story, I’ll post a revised, edited, and extended version at a later date. Happy reading!

Prompt: Write a story titled “The Last Clean Dish”.

I really didn’t think that our relationship of over twenty years would end because of a stupid clean dish. I mean seriously? A clean dish? It couldn’t have been a dirty dish? No? Okay, I get it; that would’ve been too much to ask, right? Yeah, well you know what? I have some things I’d like to say too.

First of all, I don’t think that I should have to do the laundry all the time, especially when you’re the one who has the most disgusting, stinky clothes I’ve ever seen. I’ve never said it before, because I was willing to put up with it, but now that we’re done, I just want to say that your laundry is literally the worst. I mean, how is it possible that you spill ketchup all over yourself every single day?

Oh yeah, and while I’m at it, I might as well tell you that your music sucks. No producer’s going to want to work with you because there’s no way that anyone would ever want to buy your music. No, you can’t make a living out of music. No, I didn’t like your music. In fact, I could barely even put up with it. But I loved you, so I sucked it up. Sure, I was a bit hesitant to crush your dreams even with all our bills piling up, but can’t you see that I did it because I loved you? I was trying to protect your feelings!

Also, you know those stupid pens that you loved so much? Yeah, the ones you said you got at your precious comic book conventions or wherever you went and spent all our money. I threw them out. I couldn’t stand the sight of them. Actually, I think that I gave some of them to the homeless guy downtown. So yes, if you’re asking again, he was picking his nose with one of your convention pens.

Can I also say that your taste in food is awful? I mean, who in their right mind would put lobster on ice cream?! What you’re doing is wasting food, not discovering a new and innovative flavour of ice cream. I know you think that you’re so special and all that, but seriously? You’re not special. Not even you can make lobster and ice cream work.

Wow, it feels so good to let that all out. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted from not only my shoulders, but my heart too. I guess I was holding in some things that I never thought I’d tell you. Huh, and to think that I was going to marry you in a few days too. It really makes me grateful for this dish. Imagine if I had married you? Wow, then I really would’ve been miserable. I really dodged a bullet with that one!

Oh, wait… What did you say? That you were going to give the last clean dish to me? Oh, hah, well I definitely misheard you there. I could’ve sworn that you’d said that you’d keep the last clean dish for yourself. Honestly, I didn’t think that you were that selfish.

So… I guess we’ve got some things to talk about now, don’t we? Yeah, I think it’s safe to say that the wedding’s off…

Final Comments: I think that this one got a bit out of hand… I didn’t really have a clear idea of where I wanted the story to go, and it turned out a bit more like a rant than an actual story.

Overall Rating: 😬